by Ariadne Makridakis Arroyo
[Oxy-students-announcements-l] CAMPUS SAFETY - TIMELY WARNING
CLASSIFICATION: FONDLING
DATE: January 11, 2018
TIME: 12:28 PM
LOCATION(S): Off Campus: Westdale Ave., near Eagle Rock Blvd.
SUSPECT: Described by victim as male, Hispanic, short hair, facial hair, medium build, approximately 5' 9", wearing a light blue shirt and dark blue pants.
At approximately 12:28 PM this afternoon, a female student left the fitness center and noticed a Hispanic male standing across the street, at the corner of Campus Road and Alumni Ave. She proceeded to walk on Westdale Ave. and Campus Rd. (toward Eagle Rock Blvd.) where the offender appeared from behind and groped her.
A search of the area for the offender proved negative. LAPD has been contacted.
PLEASE BE REMINDED TO ALWAYS BE AWARE OF YOUR SURROUNDINGS AND IF YOU OBSERVE A SUSPICIOUS PERSON OR ACTIVITY, OR A PERSON MATCHING THE DESCRIPTION ABOVE, DO NOT ATTEMPT TO ENGAGE THIS SUBJECT SIMPLY CALL CAMPUS SAFETY IMMEDIATELY (323) 259 2599.
IT TAKES EVERYONE'S HELP IN ORDER TO KEEP OUR CAMPUS SAFE. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- i was just walking down the street
coming from the gym at my college and going
home
i had no intention of staying long
the hunger
pulled in my stomach, led me straight away
to the bus
stop i felt so damn good,
that brand spanking new good
it was leg and ass day
i traveled that path so many times,
(i know that land so well i could find my way
through sand, through hell)
i evaded all those angry dogs trapped behind fences and uneven
sidewalks
(was it an earthquake?
or did someone put a curse on this land?)
i checked the bus app
how far was the 28?
12 minutes—just in time!
for me to make my great escape
i passed a man
i didn't think nothing of that man
again i just felt so damn good
tits perky and ass tight
all strong and mighty
all those ants under that unstable concrete trembled beneath my feet
i could have flipped over a car for all i cared
over how good i felt
everybody get out of my way!
i passed that man in broad daylight and i thought nothing of it
no one was around to bear
witness no dogs to catch his scent and put me on to him
no stalky evening shadows to give him away
he ran up behind me a block later and lifted me
up into the motherfucking air,
like i was a rag
doll, like i weighed nothing at all
i lost all grounding, all footing
heart pounding in my chest
i didn't know if i was even breathing but i must have been, right?
for the time i was in the air,
he grabbed my pussy
he used my ass as leverage to touch me there
he didn't care much about my ass
he grabbed me so hard my underwear scraped against my pubic hair
he grabbed me so hard i felt that shit in my clit
(most men i know can't even find the clit)
before it happened, it was over
he set me down on the ground
and ran off like a fucking coward, ran off like the way he came
only a fucking coward would do that
i wanted to cry but i had no space i was so angry bloody murder angry i wanted to snatch his hand right of my pussy wanted to kill a man that man any man but i didn't (i couldn't) built up anger blistering inside me from all the catcalls
unwanted touches and advances
that rage made me shake made me dizzy
(two diverging thoughts can't occupy the same line
just like two emotions aren't supposed to occupy the same mind)
i just didn't know what happened
a body interrupted
a body that took that walk so many times,
a thousand times the same, a thousand times
different
i was only scared after the matter
i kept thinking how he could have taken me
to where the coyotes hide during the day
and butchered me
i kept thinking about how he just grabbed my pussy
the way i imagine donald trump grabs pussy
i kept thinking it was a brown man that did that to me
i couldn't act,
but i screamed after him hoping
my voice would carry me
the distance that my legs couldn't reach him,
my legs standstill,
tunneled to that concrete landscape
i didn't know what to do with such power
lessness
i just kept on going i had to find my footing
i did what my body knew best and proceeded to the bus stop,
like nothing happened
i stood my ground,
as a car flew by, a gaggle of men whistling and hollering,
i got scared
what if he was with them? what if they wanted to kidnap me?
i pulled out my phone
i didn't call my family i dialed campus safety
i told them all i knew,
the straight facts
where i was, where [it] happened: on the corner of Westdale and Ave 46! i gave them the when, what, where, how (the why is intuitive?)
but i struggled with the who
i had such a clear image of my assailant in my head
could have picked him out anywhere (even to this day)
but i couldn't describe his features in a way that didn't come out lackluster, inadequate
i couldn't draw a picture of him with my words
(curse the poet in me!
curse the poet in me for writing this about him
for thinking about him at all)
the campus safety officer asked me if i was okay
i didn't have a word for how i felt, so i said yeah i'm fine
(a lie you learn to tell well)
she asked me if i wanted a ride home
i said yes, thinking of those men in the car, of all those men out there
she told me to sit put and wait
when they came to pick me up, i saw
it was a man in that campus safety vehicle
i thought twice about getting in that car
i knew it was safe, i even recognized the officer,
but i didn't feel safe i didn't want to be alone
in a car with a man
i wanted to hop on that bus that was about to pull up
at least i knew that fucking bus that's given me so much grief
i got in the car anyway
and sat in the back seat furthest away from him
my hands rubbing on my knees
my eyes kept darting out the window
he asked where i lived and i told him unwilling
he didn't ask me if i was okay
not that i wanted him to (or did i?) i didn't know what i wanted
just my power back or some kind of acknowledgement
he dropped me off at home just like that
i didn't tell my family
i didn't want their judgment or their worry
i could just hear my abuela fussing over me,
i could hear one of them saying
welltwhyweren'tyoumoreaware whywereyoulisteningtomusic
so i kept it all to myself i could handle myself and my pain and nobody else’s i didn't leave the house that night
i did away with the day (at least i got my workout in)
later i read that email
from campus safety detailing my “fondling”
i got a problem with that word
it makes it sound cute and softens the blow
reminds me of when i showed my breasts
to my fifteen-year-old crush and he palmed them
with nervous shaky hands
there was nothing nervous about my assailant's hands
i was not fondled i was immobilized and griped at
without my consent
according to california state law, what happened to me
was sexual battery, which is defined as:
“any person who touches an intimate part of another
person while that person is unlawfully restrained by the
accused or an accomplice, and if the touching is against
the will of the person touched and is for the purpose of
sexual arousal, sexual gratification, or sexual abuse”
^I got those words from the online consent education
training that is required for all students every year
but nobody cared to mention how my vagina was violated --batter-ed--
(see how language kills?)
everything about me reduced
to an email designed to warn the community and ward off any unwanted individuals
everything about me reduced
to “victim” that label serves to protect my anonymity
as anonymous as my assailant
we don't like to assign names and faces to what we find shameful
but it was me motherfuckers and i refuse to hide their shame for them
because i am no victim
they'd rather call us victims than examine the brutality of male libido
the terrorist that lies not in foreign countries but right here
behind the shut blinds of the bedroom
i must confess
that this is not a unique occurrence
i must confess that i am not special or significant in anyway
i was just walking down the street
(it always happens
that way)
i was in the wrong
place, the wrong time
i am an attractive girl (that's their excuse)
i didn't think it would happen to me in broad daylight
surely things like that don't happen
in a “nice'”liberal arts college built into a hill,
a li’l castle on a hill,
a li’l gated, gentrified community
with respectable campus safety officers and friendly neighbors
(at least that's what they say
until something bad happens
then all of a sudden its
“be aware of your surroundings”
and be a good Oxy upstander
by “calling campus safety”
to keep everybody safe and sound)
there we go again avoiding the root
cause of the problem, always looking to blame
a man in a mask, never a multitude
i'm doing just fine, thanks
i just don't like walking alone at night
yes, even a year and half later
but to tell you the truth, i never liked walking alone at night
i'm doing just fine thanks
i just walk a different path sometimes to the 28