by Caralyn Dreyer
Empowerment is born from facing challenges and adversity. Caralyn is no stranger to adversity; she has survived traumas, including a sexual assault, a suicide attempt, and domestic violence. Her healing journey has been nothing short of challenging. However, throughout this process, Caralyn has found her voice by growing through the pain. She hopes that sharing part of her story will help to empower other survivors.
Caralyn grew up in a small conservative and, at the time, a predominantly White town. It was a struggle at times to be the different one because she was adopted and because she had brown skin. It was not hard for her to make friends, but she never quite felt like she belonged. For Caralyn, the thought of going to college, being away from the familiar, and venturing into the unknown filled her with hope and excitement.
Her older sister had gone to college out of state, and she could not wait for her turn. By the time Caralyn left the nest out into a bigger world, she was more than ready but less prepared to be living on her own. Freshman year was filled with new friends and new freedoms like staying up all night and going out with friends whenever she wanted. The weekend of Easter was no exception and local colleges and universities had a long 3-day weekend which meant that parties were not hard to find.
Caralyn recalls speaking over the phone with her father to let him know that her college friend would be coming home with her for the family Easter dinner. Originally, they were set to arrive Saturday evening, but there was a party to attend instead. We all have at least one defining moment or event in life that has a profound effect on who we are; she was no exception to this. Looking back, she gets the chills thinking about how a change of plans changed the course of her life.
The sexual assault and the details leading up to it are fuzzy to this day; this is common for survivors of any trauma. What Caralyn can recall is music, dancing, and drinking at a house party and after that, the next memory is waking up to seeing men standing around her as she regained consciousness, the bright light being turned on exposing her naked body, the tears running down her face, the inability to speak or scream, the endless sobbing, and then, the numbness. Surviving anyone’s worst nightmare was a part of her story now.
She remembers driving home to her parent’s house with her friend for the family Easter dinner. Easter Sunday is supposed to make you think of springtime, frilly and lacy dresses, the Easter bunny, and joy. From a religious standpoint, it also signifies resurrection, new life, and new beginnings. Now, Easter would always hold a bittersweet significance but moving forward she is committed to shifting her focus to celebrating growth and gratitude for who she is today and less grief with who she was or could have been.
What happened over 20 years ago was not fair and it changed her life. Caralyn shares that, “Those men robbed me of a carefree life, a life where I could trust others easily, a life where it would be easier to find peace and remain at peace. What those men did to Caralyn crushed her spirit, and her self-worth, and contributed at one point to a suicide attempt. The decision not to pursue legal action against the perpetrators even though physical evidence was recovered during the completion of the rape kit was made. Looking back, it was a huge decision for her to make with such little knowledge about the implications. There were two reasons she chose to remain silent. First, Caralyn could not even imagine telling her parents what happened and second, she feared that she would be blamed in the process of the investigation and any court proceedings.
Years later when she mustered up the courage to speak out and press charges, her chance had passed due to the statute of limitations. She felt like she was being traumatized all over again. This led to years of self-sabotage, alcohol dependence, toxic relationships, and being a victim of domestic violence. “I can’t help but wonder how my life would have changed if I dared to speak out sooner,” Caralyn reflects on the damage caused by remaining silent.
Despite the pain and suffering in her life, Caralyn’s story is about picking herself up through the course of life;there were fond memories of trusting again and building the best friendships. She found the motivation and desire to go back to school and got her bachelor’s degree in criminal justice and a master’s degree in forensic psychology and almost finished her doctorate defense. She rebuilt her confidence to thrive in her writing and researching career, and she found love more than has lost it; despite it all, she continues to overcome.
Caralyn did not let those evil, reckless souls rob her of a new beginning or the power to use her story to help others. When referring to how others can overcome and become empowered after trauma, Caralyn says, “Your pain will continue to drive your purpose, you will continue to learn and evolve.”
During this new journey of discovery and growth, Caralyn has begun to embrace a new identity, let go of the past, and learn to forgive herself. She shares the importance of paying it forward by sharing her journey through the pain to empower others to stand in their truth and use her voice to inspire and offer hope to others. “Despite the darkness, you can move forward and be a light for others,” Caralyn said when reflecting on why she wants to share her story. “I want my story to show people that you can create a beautiful life if you grow through your pain. You will continue to be okay one courageous step at a time.”