Two Poems by Anchal Jain

by Anchal Jain

Anchal Jain was given the title of Resilient Human Being by her supporters when she was on the path of her healing journey. She volunteers with New Jersey Bergen County Job Center to empower people to live their best, fulfilling lives. She also provides individual coaching, training sessions, and strategic planning consulting to help both individual survivors and organizations build resilience.  She is a passionate advocate who believes there is growth in conflict and survivors are the bridge to creating a new healthy culture in our society. Her passion to empower survivors led her to enroll at the YWCA tech lab program. Now she is a consultant in digital transformation and a software engineer building applications for survivors of human trafficking.

Body Responds

The body remembers, it keeps the score.

Body responds to what it knows.

I hear a knock, the room is dark.

I lay on my back, my hands stretched, as if tied to my back.

Tightly crossed Legs are now slightly open.

I feel the chill, my body shivers.

I Freeze. I can't breathe. I feel numb.

I forgot his name, not his face.

I remember the time, can't recollect the date.

I don't know the hotel room, just the place.

It's been 12 years, I still remember the shame.

The body remembers, it keeps the score.

Body responds to what it knows.

I can't see, my eyes are wide open.

My body squeezes, l have no pressure on me.

I start to sweat, I feel the heat.

My pelvis hurts, It's dry, it's burning.

I hear white noise but still have no sense of smell.

I am unfreezing, I can't breathe, I am not numb.

I know his name, I remember his face.

I remember the time, I will recollect the date.

I know the place, I remember the hotel, not the room.

It's been 13 years, I have some memories, I carry no shame.

The body remembers, it keeps the score.

Body responds to what it knows.

Lying in the Crib

I was not even 5 weeks in my mother's womb when I heard how I was not welcomed.

There was no one to hold me, pick me up, and give me a loving smile.

From my crib, I looked to my left, looked to my right,

Everyone was raised high in the air, their parents holding them gently and tight.

The view in my sight was so happy, I was filled with joy.

My heroes sent me out to rob the gangsters.

I had to please them to earn the bread for me plus 4.

I stayed in control, so I couldn’t get raped.

I manipulated the situation, so I could feel safe.

How do I ever heal from that?

Do I forgive or forget?

Are they also not victims of society like me?

How do I build trust and with whom?

When staying alone for the rest of my life feels so good.

I know these wounds will heal but will the pain ever go away?

It's 3 am. I am lying in my crib on the darkest night,

Yet I have a shadow from the past that never seems to leave.

In the darkness of the room, I see my shadow multiple.

Faces appear even when there is no light.

They tell me their names, Cathy, Sherri, and Sundar.

They lift me up gently, out of the crib.

I hold their finger with a strong grip.

They teach me how to take my first step,

With their help, I take my first baby steps.